


A Road To Nowhere

by SomeoneYouWontRemember



Category: Original Work
Genre: Lucid Dreaming, This is deeply personal shit so i would not suggest reading it, This is just me trying to write down my lucid dreams to understand what the fuck they mean., but feel free if you want to read something akin to a delusional acid trip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 04:48:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29977611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeoneYouWontRemember/pseuds/SomeoneYouWontRemember
Summary: The past increases, the future recedes. The road is endless, and my tracks do not exist. I am nothing. I am nobody. Nothing else matters except what is before me.





	A Road To Nowhere

I open my eyes, standing tall in the muttering fog that brushed against my back. Yet the air was dry, without scent. The world stood still. Soundless, wordless and abandoned. An endless expanse of stone bricks are laid before me, forming a path too broad to follow with my eyes.  
  
A meaningless road that leads to nowhere, too long and wide to serve as guidance to a destination that it will never reach.  
  
Yet, the flat, unending road before me is not empty. An overgrown thicket of gray vines, bushes and trees stood in my path, forming a small garden that stands out of its surroundings in defiance. Roots drilled through stone brick, digging in its cracks.   
  
Life, defiant and stubborn as it tends to be. A seed too stubborn to wither and die, every leaf seeped in struggle and pain as it fought for life in a world without sun nor moon, water nor soil.  
  
A symbol of life’s tendency to persevere, defiled and rotten by the world around it. The leaves were turned to stone, the roots dried and shrunk into little more than crackled veins. Saplings, trees big and small seemingly growing out of the rock itself, frozen in time.  
  
For all its struggle, none but i will ever see it. Its struggle meaningless, its pain all for nothing, because in the end, the result was the same.  
  
Broken and forgotten.  
  
_Dead._  
  
The fog whispered to me, soundless, wordless, prodding me forth. There was nothing in the world besides what I saw in front of me, nothing to see. Behind me, to my sides, I do not think what there is to see. I find no curiosity to tug my head to the side, no impulse. Because deep down, I know that it does not matter.  
  
The past increases, the future recedes. The road is endless, and my tracks do not exist. I am nothing. I am nobody. Nothing else matters except what is before me.   
  
The only way is forward.  
  
As I move into the thicket of the gray garden, with every blink of my eyes, the surroundings change.  
  
Staring straight ahead, bewitched as I am, I do not notice, for a while, the weeping of the empty gray skies above.  
  
Rain pours, cold and soothing. Each drop an artist of its own, a paintbrush, leaving color behind as it trickles down my arms, leaves the trees awash with life. My surroundings are turning from a garden to a sprawling, living forest, washing away the gray in hues of light blue and green, brown and yellow and a million shades all in between.  
  
A filter of stagnation covers all, yet through it shines color. Faint, yet different. Not vibrant, but still there.  
  
I turn my eyes to the ground. Small bricks made of rock form a path through dirt that was not there before, leading me to a small bridge as long as I am tall.  
  
Under the bridge, the faint trickle of water is the first sound that graces my ears. The rain pours ever faster, the drumming of its fall deafening as it soaks me to the bone, washing away my sins one distorted worldview at a time.   
  
Under the bridge I stand on, while the surroundings shift and melt away, like a drop of ink in the ocean, the water that trickled down the empty space under the bridge slowly turns into a rushing, overflowing river.  
  
My consciousness, scattered and numb, slowly returns to me. Like the weaving of a spider web, every strand holds me together. The first emotion I feel, is appreciation.  
  
Gray toned forests and the sounds of rushing waters fill my eyes and ears, and i lean against the railing of the little bridge im standing on, uncaring of the fact that it was obviously not there before. Because it does not matter.  
  
I take a moment, simply to taste the rain as it trickles down my face into my lips, to breathe in the scent of life and sorrow that hangs thick in the air, desperate to sway me to stay.  
  
And I do, for a moment more. Because the waters will wash it all away, soon enough. Because this world is made for me, yet is not mine to control.  
  
Everything will wash away under the uncaring tides of time. It is meaningless to fight it, because I cannot prevent it.  
  
The child inside me wants to fight it regardless. It wants me to wrap my body around my sand castle, and shield it from the tide until I drown.  
  
Languidly, I turn my eyes to my left to look at him as he wanders into the forest like I did mere moments ago. We do not need to speak to know each other. There is no conversation to be had, and we both know it.  
  
Sorrow and joy, thick and bittersweet wash over me.  
  
Sorrow, because I must leave him behind. He cannot follow me, he is different. The road before him has more to travel than to track. He understands my resolve, but no the reason. He cannot do as I wish to do.  
  
Joy, because in the thick, overgrown forest, I feel my destination, waiting for me just outside.  
  
The downpour is deafening, and my surroundings grow blurry as the rain takes away what it has given.  
  
I walk back out, the same way I arrived. As I brush past him, we say nothing. We know each other. Conversation will never change our mind.  
  
Defiant and stubborn, from the cradle to the grave.   
  
The fog is no longer there. To my right, there are buildings, lights. To my left, a towering wall that juts into the clouds, as endless as the road it follows.  
  
A thin, winding staircase extends from the top to the bottom, waiting for me. A joy I’ve only felt in my dreams sings in my chest, warm like the sun, and I know what awaits me at the top.  
  
The waters splash around my ankles, and I know I have to hurry. A few steps, and I am at the staircase. A few more, and I reached the top of the wall. I look down on either side of the wall, elation thrumming through my veins.  
  
The waters are only a dozen meters under me, and rising. Gone is the meaningless path that I followed, and I finally understand.  
  
No road is endless. We just all decide on different destinations. I can only choke and sob in happiness as I see mine approach. My body is aflame, within and without, burning in ecstasy.  
  
My mind is blank in sheer desire as I stare at the sky, uncaring of the raindrops hitting my open eyes. A feeling of unimaginable freedom washes over me, incomparable to any lived experience.   
  
Real freedom does not exist in life. I was a slave to others, to myself, to my desires and my bodily functions, to the natural laws of the world that i inhabited.  
  
Real freedom doesn’t have to exist in _life_.  
  
It simply existed on the other side of the wall.  
  
I drop to my knees, and then lean back until i hit the stone. For the first time, I am completely aware. I have a name that does not matter, a past that does not matter, and a conclusion to my tale rising to meet me at this very moment.  
  
Im faintly aware that im crying, yet I only want to cry harder as the sky, full of soft blue tinted grays, is coming down to meet me.  
  
The waters reach me at long last, ready to help me ascend to the sky. A soothing, cool touch that gently took hold of me, like the benevolent hand of a caring deity, should such a thing exist.  
  
As the waters reach my ears, i hear my younger self approach. He runs to me and grabs my hoodie, pulling and straining to pull me up, to get me to fight. To walk another mile, to crawl another step.  
  
But he and I are one and the same.  
  
Defiant and stubborn, from the cradle to the grave.  
  
I hear my own voice for the first time, breathless and reverent as I speak. I do not take my eyes off the swaying clouds above.  
  
“Just let me die. Please, just let me die.” I gasp out, voice desperate and eager. Without a single word, his grip falters, and my head falls limply against the stone, embraced by the tranquil waters.  
  
I had to leave so many things behind. So many times, I’ve had to let go. I know his pain, I feel it radiating off him, yet I do not care. I’ve been there, and my time to rest is finally here.  
  
The water nudges my eyes closed, like the gentle farewell of a lover, and I am ready.  
  
The water fills my open mouth, yet it does not choke me as it fills my insides with its gentle caress.   
  
The water rushes into my nostrils, and i can only breathe in deeper as it wipes away my thoughts, reassuring me that I can stop thinking, stop remembering. That I can let go.   
  
I do not notice my past self changing as he stands beside me, defeated. I do not notice him growing taller, his eyes losing their shine.  
  
And _finally_.  
  
Closure.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello. If you somehow find this, i hope it was a good read. I mostly made this for myself. I had a lucid dream a few years ago, and recently i realized some minor details have started to get blurry. It was by far the most beautiful and out of world experience i had ever had, and im scared of forgetting it as time passes, so i sat down and wrote it as accurately as i can. 
> 
> If you do not know how to lucid dream, or do not know what it is, google it and try. It is beyond wonderful, the only thing i believe can give you first hand, real experiences in things that are impossible to experience in real life.


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